T​ANGIBILITY

Kara Petrovic


and how do you view yourself?

a ghost can feel nothing, taste nothing, exist as nothing but exist anyway.

                   i lay out my pills and thank         
                   them for their colour.

                   black and white,
                   absolute, but with a drop of
                   dark blue (or turquoise or ohhh
                   pretty in pink based on your
                   dosage not to be stopped or
                   changed without medical
                   supervision), it is shaped into  
                   something new.

i repeat: a ghost can feel nothing, taste nothing, exist as nothing but exist anyway.

                   i lay out my pills and thank          
                   them for their flavour.

                   the flavour of
                   unseasoned unsalted over-
                   cooked mashed potatoes,
                   made by your mother when you  
                   were sick,
                   but made over and over
                   again until you felt better.

so, a ghost that can feel nothing but exist nonetheless. to be ethereal and corporeal all at once. to be felt by others as cold cold cold but never feel the brush of their skin against yours.

what do you see when you look in the mirror?

real real real i am real you cannot take that away from me with your silver mirrors that reflect an empty room.

        ( note: this cannot be confirmed)
( note: this is noted)

no better than a drug addict, draped over drugs, can see the track marks on the soul. try this vitamin supplement. and this one. and this one. and this one. better now, there. maybe the brain is broken but at least can be better than a drug addict.

          ( note: this cannot be confirmed)
( note: this is noted)

when did you first notice this behaviour?

born not of flesh and bone, but water and smoke.

to be ethereal
          and corporeal
all at once.

 

Kara Petrovic is 23 years old and is living in Toronto, Ontario. They are a survivor of trauma three times over and are living with a variety of mental health disorders. They have self-published a collection of poetry, beyond rock bottom in 2017 and have been published in CONKER magazine in 2018. In 2019, their work was selected for publication in Philadelphia Stories. Also in 2019, they self-published another collection titled forget-me-not. They have also been selected for Toronto's Emerging Writers Reading Series. They identify as genderfluid and pansexual.